the kind of fun i want to do right now.

i have a list of aimless to-do's. you know, those things that are so fun to do but would seem really a waste of time now that life reined me in? (laughs) please don't get me wrong. i love the responsibilities i have now but sometimes i can't help but get overwhelmed with all of it that i just want to ditch it all and spend the day aimlessly. ah, the carelessness and guilt-less irresponsibilty of my younger years. hahaha.

ok, i have to be honest here. i am just so tired from work lately that i'm getting, i don't know, hallucinations of white sandy beaches from my window.

anyway, do you want to know my nonsense to-do's?

go for videoke...for hours! since i already shunned night outs since i gave birth (probably until S is in high school, hahaha!), i am greatly missing my favorite activity of singing. the last time i went videoke-ing with my colleagues was july this year and OMG, i wanted to hog the microphone and sing until my voice go hoarse. i went home early (around 6PM, yeah, i'm such a loser. back story: imagine us trooping to a videoke place at 3 in the afternoon, haha! they had to adjust the time since anything beyond that means i cannot join them..) i really felt bitin with the singing i did (to be fair, we semi-hogged the mic, diba Ron? hahahaha!). or if not go videoke-ing, i wish i can still do my imaginary concert at home. i am not a very good singer but who cares? i love singing my choice of songs! i had a good memory when it come to song lyrics (which i think a power that seems lost after pregnancy, hahaha!). i cannot even sing in the shower lately because i have to rush.

spend hours in a bookshop. i told you before, i can live in it if i could. i want to check ALL book titles, one-by-one. and believe me, staff people of bookshops are grateful towards me because i arrange the books if i look through them. i jokingly told my husband and sister that i wish those thrift book shops hire me to arrange their books, more importantly when they unload their new stocks. i will not complain because i will get to check all the titles firsthand. hahaha.

shopping spree in an ukay-ukay. this is the activity that i really miss the most. my chica batet and i used to do this on a regular basis which turned into a bad habit of hoarding (buying clothes that we think we can use in the future) and all of it deemed useless when i got big and pregnant. and even after a year, i am still not in a shopping mode (or probably because i am still frustrated with my body). every time i try to buy something for myself, i always check the little girls corner and i have to tell you, little girls clothes are so irresistable!!!

movie marathons!!!!! i miss my foreign movies. i miss watching my TV series.

back-read all my favorite bloggers. or do a marathon of book readings. i can finish reading 3 books with uninterrupted reading.

while i was backreading Topaz Horizon's blog, she shared that she used to have more time to do a lot of things, like the one she shared in her post - making personalized thank you cards. well, i did too. and i agree with her thoughts because no matter, i will still choose to be busy with my husband, my daughter and my work and everything else. going back to my list, do you think they are waste-timers? well, if i did them over what i am supposed to be doing (like work, for example), then they are. but i think my aimless to do's are nice to do once in a while - to keep this momma sane and happy.

what about you? do you have a similar to-do's with me?

my family life as a daily prayer

(originally written on my prayer reflection during my silent retreat last july 24-26...i wanted to post this after our retreat but it was only handwritten so i had to actually type this down now..)

i've been struggling in my prayer life ever since i became a mom. back when i was single, i set aside time for prayers and reflections. but when i got married and had S, my prayer life is not that intense. shameful to admit, but it's true.

there were endless needs to meet and it requires constant attention: there's the baby (and now toddler) to take care of, relationship with husband, work to finish and the household to run. and it goes on everyday, and not a single day is alike. any excess time is spent on catching up with myself or get that much needed rest. i miss the prayerful life i used to have.

but this retreat made me realize that taking care of my family is a prayer to God too. it gave me the opportunity to care for someone to whom i can share the love that God has generously given me. of course i still need the time to pray - be in silence, talk to Him, listen to Him - there's no need to feel guilty about not doing it exactly the way i used to be. why do i still insist of a God who keeps track of how many times i pray to Him? everything i have now is God's way of telling me that i can serve Him through my family and my work.

He gave me my husband, so that i can honor Him through loving and being faithful to my husband.

He made me a mother/parent, to allow me to share this overwhelming love to S and the other children He will bless me with.

He gave me this mission, the one i prayed for for almost 7 years, because He knows i can serve His people in my workplace.

He made a writer/blogger because He wants me to use my talents, to be able to share with other people (and moms) my thoughts.

i never really understood what prayer was, until i became an adult. before, my prayer was either to thank Him, ask for forgiveness or ask for something that I want.

i've read from a book that prayer does not change God's mind but instead, it changes us. when i pray to God to bless me - and He really does in great ways you cannot imagine but what transform me with the prayer for blessings is my heart of gratitude for all the blessings that we sometimes take for granted: Y who wakes up every morning to cook our breakfast, S who flashes her toothy smile every time i come home, the good health of my parents, our warm many little things that transformed me in my daily prayer of caring and loving my husband and my daughter.

for all of this, i say that, i've been praying all along - w/ every gentleness i share with my husband, every laughter i get from S, ever thank you i give and receive, every food that has nourished me, every comfort that i have given to my husband and my daughter - i found God and that is my daily prayer.

just this one time (or NOT!)

okay, i'm going to go on a fan-girl mode in this one. hahahaha.

one of my favorite group, Backstreet Boys released their music vid for Show 'Em What You're Made Of, one of my top pick in their latest album, In A World Like This. i like it but i have mixed feelings for it though.

one, the vid is not what i expected for the song (although i can understand the vid metaphorically) BUT maaaaaaan, i gotta say B-rok's abs is a scene stealer. and why is Nick not shirtless in this one? if there was a shirtless theme going on, he was the one i was expecting to don it.

two...okay, my train of thought seems to be lost about the shirtless people, chos! oh, i remember now. get rid of the beard, AJ. it adds years. not good.

so there. before i end this post, i posted the video and tell me what you think (for those who only know BSB, okay? aminin ang age...hahahaha!)

Read: The Language of Flowers

Title: The Language of Flowers
Author: Vanessa Diffenbaugh
No. of Pages: 362

Sypnosis (Back Summary as i call it): The Victorian language of flowers was used to convey romantic expressions: honeysuckle for devotion, asters for patience, and red roses for love. But for Victoria Jones, it's been more useful in communicating mistrust and solitude. After a childhood spent in the foster-care system, she is unable to get close to anybody, and her only connection to the world is through flowers and their meanings. Now eighteen and emancipated from the system with nowhere to go, Victoria realizes she has a gift for helping others through the flowers she chooses for them. But an unexpected encounter with a mysterious stranger has her questioning what's been missing in her life. And when she's forced to confront a painful secret from her past, she must decide whether it's worth risking everything for a second chance at happiness.

before i go through my in-depth spoiler (so be warned for those who have not yet read), i would like to say thanks to Shane for letting me borrow this book. she lent it to me since June this year and i just read it what, 2 months ago? honestly, i was not interested to read this book because the title itself was not me. flowers. i love nature but i am not particularly fond of gardening. so the book just spent itself lying around in my desk. i even had it lent to a friend. then i had no material left to read. i was pretty getting tired reading books about toddlers so i picked this book because it's been with me for so long, nakakahiya na rin........AND I LOVE IT! i feel soooo sorry for myself for not reading it immediately.

victoria is a very difficult character to like because she hates everything except for flowers. i love the contrast between her attitude towards other people and her passion for something so beautiful. and get this, when she got out of the foster-care system when she turned 18, all she ever wanted was to be alone and tend to a garden in a public park. nice plan. but she needs money to survive (unless her flowers are edible, so i thought..), so she needs to work and well, its pretty obvious a flower shop will be her ONLY field. and then she met someone connected to a past that she is trying to bury and it ruined her plans for a solitary and unattached life.

2 for 100!

currently, i have the must-find-these-books fever. i carry with me a list of titles of books that i'm looking for. i am itching to visit bookstores and spend an entire day there. i actually find it amazing i have not yet succumbed to online shopping. if that happens, wasakan ng wallet and relasyon because my husband will really get mad at me! (laughs)

not yet over. (and where to drop donations for Yolanda victims)

i am swamped buried ............. the craziness of my work is not yet over. so sorry readers, but i think this absence will stretch at the end of the month.

but, i have 3 drafts that are ready to be published so i'll do that next week. i will try my best not to make them appear as backlogs. hahaha.

and oh by the way, for those who are interested to donate CASH donations, Ateneo de Davao dedicated an account for relief work at:
ADDU – Tabang Leyte Account
Account Number: 2513-0018-89
Branch: BPI Davao Roxas
Swift Code:  BOPIPHMM

you can also donate old clothes, medicines, bottled water and foodstuff at the Drop Off Center in the Jacinto Annex (across from Holy Child). you can read the whole post of University President, Fr. Joel, HERE.

thank you so much. God Bless you everybody!

it does not get any easier.

how long has it been? 7 years, 8? heck, its almost 9 years.
i thought being in this has somehow toughened me up.
i've seen a lot of struggles and hardwork that deserves kindness.
i've been where being right feels wrong.
i've been where i battle out between being right, being fair and to be kind-hearted.
i have to be the three, at the right time and circumstance.
and being a mom (parent) has given me a different kind of conciousness that affects my juggle act of the 3 particular things.
i just got through a particular bad day, where everything is just a one big mumbo-jumbo.
all i know is i crushed a person's self-confidence.
and worse, their dreams.
i am a very, very terrible person.

no, it will never be easy.

the fish-dog

S is into fish nowadays. she would ask us to point it to her be it alive, frozen, in books, in photos, even the fried ones hindi pinapalampas and obviously she is asking us to draw them. so daddy Y drew this.....

Daddy Y: S baby, what is this?
S looks at us innocently and suddenly blurted, "Aw,aw, aw, aw!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! the fish that barks! (Y told me this is a piranha. whatevs Y, S sees it as a dog! i guess i am not bad in drawing after all!)

and S can draw a fish now too...and she would even point out the eyes proudly! this beautiful artwork is displayed in our wall. 

- FriendS -