The First Time

Remember my one bad day post? Who would have thought that the day of bliss that I was looking forward to would happen the next day?

I said my farewells to S before I left for work and to my delight, S said, "Love you. See you later."

I have no words for the first time. I only have the smile that I carried all throughout the day.

Ah my little darling, guess how much I love you? :) 

A Mom's One Bad Day

Early this morning, I was already worrying about S's constipation. Twenty seconds in my brain this morning was like this: "Its been 3 days and S has been holding in her poop. S needs to poop today. I have to tell the yaya to make her finish her a glass of water every meal. Crap, maid has not yet washed S's clothes. Should I bring S to the pedia? I will definitely consult her pedia today, there's no need to bring S with me. Another crap, maid has not yet prepared my baon. S should eat bunga ng malunggay today, it will help soften her poop."

Early this morning, S complained about her leg warmers being removed. I told her it was getting a bit warm and she was perspiring so I had to remove them. Crying spells. Demanding for another milk bottle when she just finished one. When I did not give in, more crying spells and demanding for her yaya.

And I was definitely not having it from her. I was frustrated over her bowel movements and I was starting to get resentful jealous about this dramatic demand for her yaya every time I make her cry. I left the house in a hurry, with her finding comfort from her nanny and I, trying to compose my wits from not breaking down from frustration.

I gotta say this: I am definitely having the day that I feel I am losing my grip on this motherhood thing. I love being a mom, I love my daughter but today, I just don't want to care. I am not being ungrateful, I just cannot understand how much more I have to give to be able to make my daughter understand me too. I know its completely stupid foolish to ask a toddler to "understand" her mother's bad day. But there I was, wishing that my two year old cooperate with me.

On my way to work, I did my prayers and asked God to remind me why I am S's mom and to help and grant me the grace to become the mother that S needs. Upon arrival at my workplace, I called my daughter and I learned a lesson when she answered the phone: children are forgiving. I had to laugh at myself for forgetting to see the simplicity of my daughter's love.

There are definitely two sides to this motherhood: the one where everything is joy and bliss and the other one that are guilt (both valid and self-inflicted), self-doubt (again, both valid and society-inflicted, hehehe..) and frustration. Sometimes, I feel like a hypocrite of not sharing some grey parts of being a mom but hey, who wants to read sad and dreary stuff anyway?! But I think, a mom sharing her bad day and not-so-positive emotions is accepting that "It's not easy to be me.." (Yeah, its from the Five for Fighting's Superman song, hahaha!). If there is a mom out there who does not feel exasperated from her child/children from time to time, then, congratulations. And this mom's one bad day, I am simply intoxicated from frustration over a bowel movement dilemma and my two year old's dramatic flair.

This bad day made me think of my childhood. I want to ask my Mama if somehow, was S like me when I was young. I bet she will just give me a grin and say, "Its your turn now".
This bad day made me appreciate the uniqueness of my motherhood. That's the funny thing about motherhood, I guess. There is common agreement of the positive things of being a mom, but there is no single answer on why a mom hits a bad day. Just like our children, our motherhood experiences are unique.

This bad day is a reset button. Ours will take form in putting a hold to toilet training in terms of pooping for the meantime. And as for me, I need to switch tactics in dealing with toddler tantrum. 

This one bad day will make me look forward to days and years of enjoyment with my child because I have gained new perspective about my motherhood. :)

Sorry, but I am definitely going to talk about POOP!

I am at a complete loss with my toddler right now: SHE SIMPLY REFUSES TO POOP IN HER POTTY EVEN IF SHE HAS TO GO. S knows when she needs to poop, but she does this standing. We tell her to sit in the potty to make it easier but she will say no a gazillion times and in the end she does not poop. AT ALL. This is her third day of not being able to poop. And I am getting frantic, worried and frustrated. I do not want to "medicate" her just to make her do a number two. Last night, Y had to poop with us watching (Gross, I know but we had to make her see so please don't judge us!) so that this will make S actually see how to poop. This morning, we feed her bunga ng malunggay, as this has the effect of making her poop soft so I praying to the high heavens this works. S hates papaya, ever since she ate it and vomited after eating. I think she got traumatized with it that even the sight of papaya, she says ayaw immediately. What I am worried about our current predicament is that, S and I are now "arguing" about her sitting in the potty. Not until now, we had a breezy potty training. The pee thing was an instant success. A month after her 2nd birthday, we were completely diaper free! Not even a single incident of accident at night, I swear. We tried going out diaper-less, it was a great success the first time. We just carried around a diaper in case she needs to pee and the restroom is too far. Side note: restrooms in malls are so far, I swear. I even wrote pieces of advice that I am definitely not following right now. I am getting frantic because it's been 3 days. And she is a toddler for Pete's sake. Out of my frustration, I scared her that I will bring her to a doctor if she will still not poop today and I realized it was a huge mistake because I should not threaten her using "doctors" as she might get afraid of them in general. So I had to make take back my word. I tried telling her that if she does not poop, her tummy will get hurt. And she just said, Okay and went back to playing.

I am losing my grip on my patience about this poop thing. I cannot maintain my calm demeanor anymore every time she tries to poop standing and ends up not being able to poop at all. I am the exact opposite now of the mom who said before to enjoy the moment of potty training :(

I turned to the internet. Although I am not the only mommy experiencing this, it still does not make me feel any better. I JUST WANT S TO POOP. One of my researches led me to a potty boot camp and I was horrified to read about their solution to this problem. If she does not poop today, I might have to ask our pediatrician to help us a little.

Any helpful tips, mommy readers?

6/26 Update: After writing this entry, S pooped twice. However, it took her another 3 days to poop again. I realized that this is a classic case of toddler constipation. We are experiencing it again today and I had to see her pediatrician who prescribed some aid (yes, you guess it right, a suppository). I am hitting reset button on our toilet training in terms of pooping because S is definitely not ready.

- FriendS -