Back to the haystack problem.

At the end of this month, I will be saying goodbye to our yaya. For the 6th time in 2 years. Silly as it may sound, I hope in the world of statistics and ratio of yaya turnover, I am not the worst. This is not the first time I will lose a yaya but to tell you honestly, it feels the same: I feel betrayed and disappointed.

Our yaya got nabbed (for the lack of better term for gipirata, hehe) from us. And to think, we offered to send her to college with the same pay. And the "other camp" offered the same thing in some aspects, but not to be brag of anything, ours is a little better. Waley pa rin. That I think is where this negative feelings stem from. My husband and I are willing to chunk off a bit of our budget just for her to stay and save ourselves the tiresome search for the elusive good yaya which I think is now the needle in the haystack problem. Haha. Maybe she finds the other camp more affluent than we do. Oh well.

One thing I think other people must understand: Never, ever get someone else's household help especially if they are a yaya. The 5 I had were not previously employed except for Yaya T whom left her previous employer on her own decision because they were bringing her to a Luzon province which was not part of the deal. But maybe this is just the embittered in me talking. Hehe.

Honestly, I don't even like this yaya in terms of attitude. We find her cheeky and vulgar. But with S, she is great. So I am willed myself to swallow my personal dislike because as I've said, its difficult to find someone who can deal with toddlers well. Hubbs comforted me that maybe yaya's nowadays have an expiration date. The longest one we had before the present one is 9 months and  Yaya C has been with us for a year. So she has reached her maximum stay. Maybe. But it still does not stop me from feeling those negative emotions.

I still don't have a replacement and I am praying with all my heart that we find one soon.

When this "leaving" happens, I always go back to that nagging question of being a working mom. I'm not guilty though. I've already made peace with myself about that. Its just that I had this talk with S one night when she asked me, if I'm going to work in the morning. I tell her that I go to work because I am doing something for myself and I am helping people (I tell her specific things but I will not disclose it here..) and then I proceed to tell her that the pay I receive is spent for our house, food, clothes, her books and toys and I tell her most importantly, so you can go to a very good school. And she looked at me without batting an eyelash, "Ibang school nalang Mommy."

Who, tell me, who would not melt in guilt with that?! I could have filed my resignation with those words but I told her that for now, Mom and Dad thinks this is the best school to learn and when you reach the right age, you can choose wherever you want to study (And I meant college for that matter, haha!). I'm not sure if she understands but after that, she said okay and ran off to play.

I know some people do not agree with my choice but as I've said I am loving my daughter the best way I know. And I have come to take everything in stride every time this guilt resurfaces in times like these.

I guess its time to dig in the haystack again.

- FriendS -